that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
