I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
