It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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