bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
