just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
