He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize