ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
