Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
