All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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