sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i think my cat just said my name.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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