a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
