im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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