so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
