It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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