Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
