I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
