i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
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