Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
