I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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