Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
