oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
