We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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