I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
