do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
