Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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