im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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