mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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