i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Bring me that man meat
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i think i just lost a toe
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
