just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
vagina is talking i cant
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
