I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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