i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
