Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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