You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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