Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
