Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
