i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Let's paint friendship bongs
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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