Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Can Purell be used as lube?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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