PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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