I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
