chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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