some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
