do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
