Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
