The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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