Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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