I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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