Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I am morally bankrupt
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize