i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Randomize
