Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
