I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
