Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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