Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
