just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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