During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
