What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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