I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
