took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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