I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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