Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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