If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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